funnyordie:

The Surprising Purchases that Are Saving America’s Economy
News the U.S. economy is suddenly booming has everyone wondering what turned it around. Here are the most likely drivers of recovery:

New hoses. Turns out everyone needed a new hose this summer.
Parents across the nation paying for drugs to stop their children from singing Frozen’s “Let it Go.”
Surge in moms losing the sweaters they meant to return to Nordstrom.
Increase in people opting to pay extra for guacamole on their burrito as they whisper to themselves, “I deserve this…”
Popularity of ‘Masters of Sex’ leading to lines around the block outside stores selling sex.
The last of those ‘1,000 Free Hours of AOL’ CDs have finally been used up, forcing many Americans to pay for the internet for the first time.
Some dude at my bodega picked up a tall boy yesterday. So that’s $1.99 right there.

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funnyordie:

The Surprising Purchases that Are Saving America’s Economy

News the U.S. economy is suddenly booming has everyone wondering what turned it around. Here are the most likely drivers of recovery:

  • New hoses. Turns out everyone needed a new hose this summer.
  • Parents across the nation paying for drugs to stop their children from singing Frozen’s “Let it Go.”
  • Surge in moms losing the sweaters they meant to return to Nordstrom.
  • Increase in people opting to pay extra for guacamole on their burrito as they whisper to themselves, “I deserve this…”
  • Popularity of ‘Masters of Sex’ leading to lines around the block outside stores selling sex.
  • The last of those ‘1,000 Free Hours of AOL’ CDs have finally been used up, forcing many Americans to pay for the internet for the first time.
  • Some dude at my bodega picked up a tall boy yesterday. So that’s $1.99 right there.

Continue

Payment in guacs!